Jumat, 04 Desember 2015

F Wor(l)d.

F#ck.

Nothing leaves here.

Nothing to do here.

It feels like anything had taken away from me.

Nothing left here except "Him" and our world.

I don't even know who I am.
I don't even know where the f*ck is the old me.
I don't even know where the one who always be happy when she's around people.
I don't even know where I am.

I'm far away from home and i feel... lost.

I don't even know when it started. It's The new me, who always make some spaces from people around me. The new me who never don't care about what just happened. The new me who became the apathetic as f*ck.

I still have everything here. I have Him. I have everything that I need. He always knows how to cheers me up. He always knows my problems without asking me. He always knows the way to solve my problems.

He always be in the front line when I feel everything is wrong.
He always be in the front line to make me happy.
He always be in the front line to make my smile appears.

But.. I don't know. I feel so wrong. No, the problem is not on Him. But... the problem is in my friendship with my new friend.

I'm getting tired for being a nice people. I'm getting tired for helping people. I'm getting tired of something that I can't do. I'm getting tired for not being myself. I'm getting tired for being pushed to be someone who I NEVER wanna be. I'm getting tired to be a person who everyone expect me to be. I'm  getting tired of rejected. I'm getting tired of insecurities. I'm getting tired of everything.

This mind is killing me slowly.
This mind has changed me to be another person.

The one that left is Him.
I don't want to lose anything again. I won't forgive myself if one day I'd be losing him. He is the treasure in the middle of F#cking Island.

I know, I'm such a mess. And I stuck in this mess situation.
I have no idea what should I do now.
I think, It's a hard time.
Please, don't you dare to leave.
I desperately need you right now to face this situation.




Good night.